Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get you.

Blow your nose, your horn works fine.

I tried being normal once. . .I didn't like it.

I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.

Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.

Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

I love cats.....they taste just like chicken.

I love cats.....they taste just like chicken.

Keep the planet clean...swallow your beer cans.

I was an aetheist until I realized I was GOD.

Smile.........show off your teeth.

My wife said if I watch one more DAMN Indians game she is leaving. God I'll miss her.

Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??

Earth first... We will strip the other planets later.

I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.

If you can read this, I am parked.

I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.

I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!

Wink, I'll do the rest!

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!

No Radio - Already Stolen

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

When there's a will, I want to be in it!

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Few women admit their age, Few men act it!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!

Which came first? The woman or the department store?

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Don't come knocking if the car is rocking.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

i souport publik edukasion..

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.

Yes, In fact...my father does own this road.

Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.

My other car sticker is funny.

Gun control today, Total control tomorrow.

I'm only driving this way to piss you off.

If you can do the time, you can do the crime.

Honk if you are blond.

The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.

This is not an abandoned car.


If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.

Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.

I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.

Mean people suck.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

I'm objective; I object to everything.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.

Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

Your lucky color has faded.

Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.

Life is just one of those things.

Nothing is illegal until you get caught

No matter where you go; you're there.

If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.

If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.

If it is a man made world, why can't we remake it?

I Try to Take one day at a time but Lately several days have attacked me at once

Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.

Everything is possible; just not too probable.

Change a life; make someone feel important.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.

Repetition is always better the second time.

Death is the consequence of being alive.

Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.

Was today really necessary?

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.

It's been Monday all week.

I'm surrounded by idiots!

Do unto others before they do unto you.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?

I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.

This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.

For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.

Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.

You can't be late until you show up.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck.

Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.

To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.

What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.

OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666I - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
66.6" - Don't mess with the beast.